It's nice to have comedy to see the lighter side of our President. Thanks to about.com and those who have compiled George W. Bush quotes to keep us all informed of what our great president is saying on our behalf.
"We need to apply 21st-century information technology to the health care field. We need to have our medical records put on the I.T." —George W. Bush, Collinsville, Ill., Jan. 5, 2005- Oh, yes. And then, health insurance companies know exactly who to stick it to, cause we all know there's a health care crisis out there.
"Who could have possibly envisioned an erection — an election in Iraq at this point in history?" —George W. Bush, at the white House, Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2005- Apparently the thought of war turns him on.
"I want to appreciate those of you who wear our nation's uniform for your sacrifice." —George W. Bush, Jacksonville, Fla., Jan. 14, 2005- A humble moment of appreciation for our nation's uniform wearers.
"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005- Isn't it fantastic that our president thinks so highly of the three jobs a single mom is forced to work just to make ends meet? Doesn't he sense any bit of crisis here? Nah.
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." —George W. Bush, Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005- The notion might be ridiculous, but Dubya's game of Risk laying on the table does have Iran on the map. Let's roll the dice and find out.
"In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible — whatever that means." —George W. Bush, on his time frame for shoring up Social Security, Washington D.C., March 16, 2005- At first read, I thought Dubya was ready for pulling our troops, since he declared "mission accomplished" a while ago. Guess he has a more defined timetable for Social Security than for our troops in Iraq. Sigh.
"In this job you've got a lot on your plate on a regular basis; you don't have much time to sit around and wander, lonely, in the Oval Office, kind of asking different portraits, 'How do you think my standing will be?'" —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005- That's why Dubya uses Chinet. When you've got a lot on your plate, you don't want to have your plate droop or break when you have to get up from wandering around the oval office to walk around and talk to the presidential portraits.
- Speaking of wandering, it is rumored the ghost of Abe Lincoln has been wandering around the Oval Office lately, much to the chagrin of Dubya.
"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make — it would hope — put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005
- You see, free press is the press that should be free to get any information, even if they can't see it. We can't discriminate against those blind in the press corp, you see.
"I'm going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it's the Mother in me." —George W. Bush, Washington D.C., April 14, 2005
- Actually, it's the Grandfather and Great-Grandfather in him, who were bankers and investment managers for great leaders, including Joseph Kennedy and Adolf Hitler.
"We have enough coal to last for 250 years, yet coal also prevents an environmental challenge." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 20, 2005- Coal is the safe alternative to all those crazy renewable fuels advocates.
- You see, renewable fuels creates a dilemna in our capitalist supply and demand economy. There would be no fluctuation in supply and demand if we use renewable fuels, because there's always supply available with renewable fuels. Therefore, renewable fuels would ruin our economy.
- Coal mining is already set up and we wouldn't have to subsidize them, like with new forms of energy like these crazy renewable fuels. And you know we don't subsidize the oil industry at all, hee hee.
"Well, we've made the decision to defeat the terrorists abroad so we don't have to face them here at home. And when you engage the terrorists abroad, it causes activity and action." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005- But we aren't making more terrorists, or provoking any terrorist to hate us more when we bomb their families' homes and maim their loved ones. Nah.
"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005- Yes, get those harmers out of the way of their detonating bomb, and allow innocent people to get blown to smithereens.
- Then the harmers get go to one of the US-run terrorist re-enforcement camps, so we can re-enforce to them why they should hate the US.
"I can only speak to myself." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005- Well, that answers a lot of questions.
"We discussed the way forward in Iraq, discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow." —George W. Bush, Tbilisi, Georgia, May 10, 2005- Make no mistake, a peaceful tomorrow should be a thing of the past in Iraq.
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." —George W. Bush, Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005- Must be a part of that Dubya magic, that strategery.
"It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of — and the allegations — by people who were held in detention, people who hate America, people that had been trained in some instances to disassemble — that means not tell the truth." —George W. Bush, on an Amnesty International report on prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay, Washington, D.C., May 31, 2005- Yet another new word in the Bush Dictionary--Disassemble: v. 1. to take apart; 2. not tell the truth.
"You see, not only did the attacks help accelerate a recession, the attacks reminded us that we are at war." —George W. Bush, on the Sept. 11 attacks, Washington, D.C., June 8, 2005- We were at war before the September 11, 2001 attacks? Where was I? How did this fact escape the news before 9/11/01?
"I was going to say he's a piece of work, but that might not translate too well. Is that all right, if I call you a 'piece of work'?" —George W. Bush to Jean-Claude Juncker, prime minister of Luxembourg, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005- A piece of work? Is that good or bad? I don't think that translates too well in English, either.
"I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend." —George W. Bush, on visiting Denmark, Washington D.C., June 29, 2005- Since Denmark is still in the stone ages, I'm sure the Prime Minister has found luxurious accomodations in the finest mud hut in all of Denmark. The president should also enjoy bedtime Rune stories with Olga.
"We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) --George W. Bush, touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005- I'm sure Trent Lott is homeless and living out of his car or napsack or plastic Wal-mart sack, too, just like all the other Katrina survivors.
"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." —George W. Bush, to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his job performance, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005- I think Dubya was actually refering to those chocolate Exlax bars.
"I can't wait to join you in the joy of welcoming neighbors back into neighborhoods, and small businesses up and running, and cutting those ribbons that somebody is creating new jobs." —George W. Bush, Poplarville, Miss., Sept. 5, 2005- I'm sure Dubya's secretary is getting all those ribbon-cutting events scheduled into the president's PDA.
"Listen, I want to thank leaders of the — in the faith — faith-based and community-based community for being here." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 6, 2005- Thanks goodness the faith-based organizations were there. You know that's what the F in FEMA stands for: Faith-based.
- Accolades to the Community-Based Communities, too! Where would communities be without community-based communities?
"If it were to rain a lot, there is concern from the Army Corps of Engineers that the levees might break. And so, therefore, we're cautious about encouraging people to return at this moment of history." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2005- I guess we will have to read the history books to find out when those New Orleans residents should return. Or watch the History Channel for the documentary.
We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." —George W. Bush, Gulfport, Miss., Sept. 20, 2005- You think Dubya's 6th grade English teacher cringed when she heard that?
- So, their jobs are eye doctors, and ear, nose and throat specialists? Definitely, not oral language specialists.
"Wow! Brazil is big." —George W. Bush, after being shown a map of Brazil by Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brasilia, Brazil, Nov. 6, 2005- You think Dubya's geography and social studies teachers cringed when they heard that?
"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." —George W. Bush, Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005- Are you sure that doing something illegal constitutes criminal activity and breaking the law?
"I think we are welcomed. But it was not a peaceful welcome." —George W. Bush, defending Vice President Dick Cheney's pre-war assertion that the United States would be welcomed in Iraq as liberators, NBC Nightly News interview, Dec. 12, 2005- Would that be considered a "violent welcome" then?
"I mean, there was a serious international effort to say to Saddam Hussein, you're a threat. And the 9/11 attacks extenuated that threat, as far as I-concerned." —George W. Bush, Philadelphia, Dec. 12, 2005- If only the majority of the US knew what extenuate meant, they wouldn't misunderestimate our strategeric president.
- (Extenuate: v. 1. To lessen or attempt to lessen the magnitude or seriousness of, especially by providing partial excuses. 2 a. To make thin or emaciated. 2 b. To reduce the strength of.)
- Now, why is 9/11 connected with Saddam Hussein, again?
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