Headlines In My View

Unity -- That's the Ticket?
You may see something odd on the ballot November 2008--the "Unity" ticket. A grassroots push has begun to get a mixed presidential ticket in '08 with actor Sam Waterston leading the crusade. Waterston made his case for a bipartisan presidential ticket first on Tuesday's Hardball. Actor, lawyer and financial advisor, that is Waterston. Now, a political advocate? Apparently, Waterston needed to expand and broaden his resume. And, what's with the bipartisan ticket? Who'd be in their right mind to mix the lion with the lamb? I'm sure there'll be two people with enough balls to come forward and... Huh? You don't think there's anyone willing to do that? Okay, okay. So, the ultimate question will then arise, at some point, I'm sure--Who wears the pants? Someone is going to have to wear the pants. Someone is going to have the buck stop with them. Which one? Republican? Or Democrat? Now, there's bipartisan bickering at its finest! I'd like to see that one!! Where do I sign up? (www.unity08.com)

Harvest for the World
Well, maybe the world is an exaggeration, but sometimes it takes a village to fuel the nation. As President Bush talks aggressively about pushing for renewable fuels, the heartland of America responds. Broin Company's Voyager Ethanol Plant in Emmetsburg, Iowa plans to expand its ethanol producing capacity by using the cornstalks and leaves to produce 125 million gallons of fuel per year. Pretty soon, we'll see people trying to squeeze ethanol out of grass clippings from their lawn. Imagine that!

Global Warming--My A$$!
This morning I came into work and it was -8 degrees F! I now believe that the F stands for f'ng cold!! I thought it has to be colder in Iceland, what with the name and all. But, NOOOOooooo! They're forecasting in Iceland between Zero and 15 degrees C--You know what that converts to in F'ng degrees? That's 32 to 59 degrees F! It may be Iceland Warming, but I sure as heck ain't calling it "Global Warming"!

UnBEARable Valentine's
"Oh, it is soo adorable! *squeee squeee* It's soo much bigger than I thought! *I know.* I could just kiss it and kiss it. Oh, *reading the card* 'I sent you this love bandit to steal your heart, because you've stolen mine. Love, Jim'* squeee squeee*" No! NO! NOOOOO! Fake O's for a stuffed teddy bear? Phuuleeeease! I am repulsed by the thought that any woman can get swept away by a teddy bear. How does a woman respond to this? "Oh, Jim, let me do your sensuous bandit teddy bear, since you apparently have no balls to steal my heart yourself!"