You don't have to walk in my shoes to understand me. You don't have to shadow me to see the light in my eyes. Sometimes you just need to know that I am not you. And know that is okay. We can see and enjoy each other's strengths together. We can bounce off of our weaknesses together and become stronger. Just know that I see our existence from different eyes than you. It's just a perspective.
I spent much of yesterday covering the Shamrock pageants, and I began to fully realize my own "Aspie-ness" as I watched the young girls performing their talents on stage. In previous years, I always wondered why I didn't do pageants. I am beautiful. I am talented. What I lacked was confidence to do it. Years of being told I am stupid and ugly have an impact on one's psyche. Sure, if I had been in the "in" crowd and had a shred of dignity I could have been a great pageant queen. That's what I used to think.
Yes, that was part of it, but only the tip of the iceberg. The more I read about Aspergers, the more I am reading about me.
I was the one in school that did want friends. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to enjoy friendship. Friends came, and friends left. There were few close friends. Sometimes it tears me out from the inside that I was never close to anyone. Other times I am thankful that I didn't have friends. I was bullied intensely in a small school. In some ways, it is hard to be friends with someone who called you retarded the day before. I wanted to be liked by others, but it was always an uphill battle. That was my aspie-ness creating that need.
My niche came in high school, as I submerged myself in drawing, and people accepted me and my talent. The great thing about drawing is that I didn't have to face the people who called me stupid, but I could exhibit my talent for them in a relatively safe environment. I could shelter myself in my room drawing for hours on end. That was my aspie-ness fulfilling my need.
As I watched the girls walking down from the stage onto the runway, deep inside I wanted to do that, too. Then, I thought, sure I could do that, but my nerves would have been so intense at that age, and even today. I would have been so worried how others would see me, that I would work myself up and in the end would not be able to focus on my stance and projected confidence to look good. My focus is precious and it is delicate, and can get distracted easily if I don't ignore the distractions around me. That is my aspie-ness creating a need.
I guess that is why I enjoy radio broadcasting. Nice, short blips of focused performance with my voice. I don't have to look 100% completely stunning all day long. I can work by myself and I don't have to deal with the distraction caused by others. That is my aspie-ness fulfilling my need.
I realize that there are things I would love to do. And I realize there's a time and a place for everything. I know that I am different than others, and some things are more difficult for me, while others come easily for me. The more I understand myself, the more courage I begin to develop to do the things I enjoy doing.
I love to cantor at church. I enjoy singing and enjoy sharing my God-given talent to God and my church. I see it as a self-sacrificing gift, instead of a self-serving gift. I cantor because I want to help others sing, too. I look at the crowd in front of me, and I smile at the faces as I sing to God's glory, to encourage those faces to sing with me. We have been blessed way too much to sit in church like a bump on a log. There is not a week that goes by that I don't hear someone tell me how much they enjoy my singing at church, and many times they comment how easy it is for them to sing along with me. That is my aspie-ness fulfilling many needs for me and others.
Yes, I am different than the norm. There's no changing it. I've tried. Acceptance, understanding, and creative thinking goes a long way to utilizing my strengths.
I see it like a box in front of me. I see others walking through the box with ease. I try to walk through the box, but I am blocked. I can't walk through it, no matter how I try to mimic others' pursuit through the box. But, I can walk around it, under it, over it. The goal is to get to the other side of the box, not in the box. Sure, I see others inside the box, but they can get out of the box. At one point, I thought the goal was the inside of the box and I tried to get in. Bad idea. As I can't get through the box, if I got into the box I would be trapped. And I don't like feeling trapped. So, it is sometimes best to avoid the box. The goal, the focus is the other side of the box. And, along the way I meet people who avoid the box, as well. We see those in the box can't see the goal, and aimlessly do their deeds. And that's okay. (I'm sure I will carry this analogy on later...)
So, this is a bit of an epiphany for me. Realizing why I am good at the things I enjoy, and why I would not be good at other things. And realizing that I am not alone.
I had some great aspirations, and I still have aspirations. They've just changed a little.
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aspergers. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
In the Family of Aspergers & Labels: Good?
Did you ever notice subtle, yet distinguishable differences between you and others? Did you ever wonder why people react to you differently than others, although you look just like everyone else? Have you ever felt lost in a vast sea, taken up on a wave of your own individuality?
I began to see differences in my oldest son early on, but I dismissed them as something of his own individuality. I even began to love his idiosyncracies. However, I knew that he was different. Just as I was different as a child.
Last week, we saw a specialist to find out exactly what the professional world of psychology and labeling defined my son's differences. The label? Aspergers Syndrome. Or what some call high-functioning autism. It is among the autistic spectrum disorders. We have begun the process of proper analyzing, assessing, testing, affirming and action.
Yes, it is a label. I was not surprised by the label. In fact, I expected it. (I actually was hoping that he would not get misdiagnosed with ADD or ADHD and get thrust into meds and programs that would never work for him.)
How would I know about my son's condition? Because he acts a lot like me. His tantrums are a lot like mine. His frustrations, his interests, his view on life are very similar to mine. When I was his age, I was very apprehensive about giving apologies as I felt more sorry about those I gave them to, than I was sorry about what I had done. I want to be accepted by my peers, but feel strangely awkward in their presence. I see things differently, and react to things differently. I hear things that others don't and I feel things that others don't sense. There are things that people say and do that would affect others socially or mentally that don't phase me, and things that don't affect others that greatly affect me.
Labels are only good when there are ways, processes and activities within such a labeling to affect a positive outcome for the individual and all who are affected. The unfortunate part of labeling is that as a society we try to get the labeled to fit into society, instead of working with the label and its positive offerings.
I believe, in the purest hollow of my heart, that every person existing has a positive energy and positive offering to give to the world. Some will find that positive energy and bestow it to the world unhindered, others will not see that positive energy and instead offer the world negative energy, and then there are some who see that positive energy and watch it be socially hindered and sapped away by the negative energy, intentionally or unintended by others.
My experience with Aspergers is not as much a label, inasmuchas it is a different perspective. It is that POV (point of view) that is not readily accepted by societal and cultural norms. The label is only there to help the "normal" people to define what they see as an obscurity in someone. What is obscure in the norm, is clear in someone with aspergers. What is obscure in someone with aspergers, is clear in the norm. Sure, it's not absolute, as no one or two can together see all answers to life (unless two or more are gathered in God's name, well that's a different story there, too).
Picture it as a circular peg trying to fit into a square hole. There are the corners in the square where that circle will not fill into, and areas where the circle go over the bounds of the square. In a perfect world, we would sense that we would lose so much by changing the circle, and reconfigure our societal and educational boundaries so that all the positive energy of the circle would be fully actualized.
We are not in a perfect world. Society as we know it, presses all into the meatgrinder of life, regardless of the cut of meat, and strives to make all into nice, uniform sausages. In effect society is willing to convert the circle into a square so it will fit nicely into the square hole.
A good butcher would be appalled to see a good piece of sirloin ground into a hotdog. Good educators and parents, also should be appalled to see their good child being mangled with meds and ineffective learning techniques aimed to restrict the student's creative and obscure point of view and mould him into the "perfect" student.
In the process of labeling, it is vital to help normal people to see and take positive advantage of the special POV and learning skills that those with Aspergers exhibit. It takes teachers with a teaching style that parallels the aspergers' learning style to truly gain the most out of this educational experience.
It takes a teacher that can change the educational square into the circle, and a student that can understand his/her circular nature and learn to literally work around the societal and cultural square that challenges them. It also takes a parent that can see both the square and the circle to coach their child to understand that both are vital, and necessary, and that both need to do their part to work together in harmony.
The challenge is made for us. It is in our hands to see and offer the positive energies in ourselves, to show the positive in others, and to provide guidance to those seeking the positive in themselves. I am positive of this.
I think...
I began to see differences in my oldest son early on, but I dismissed them as something of his own individuality. I even began to love his idiosyncracies. However, I knew that he was different. Just as I was different as a child.
Last week, we saw a specialist to find out exactly what the professional world of psychology and labeling defined my son's differences. The label? Aspergers Syndrome. Or what some call high-functioning autism. It is among the autistic spectrum disorders. We have begun the process of proper analyzing, assessing, testing, affirming and action.
Yes, it is a label. I was not surprised by the label. In fact, I expected it. (I actually was hoping that he would not get misdiagnosed with ADD or ADHD and get thrust into meds and programs that would never work for him.)
How would I know about my son's condition? Because he acts a lot like me. His tantrums are a lot like mine. His frustrations, his interests, his view on life are very similar to mine. When I was his age, I was very apprehensive about giving apologies as I felt more sorry about those I gave them to, than I was sorry about what I had done. I want to be accepted by my peers, but feel strangely awkward in their presence. I see things differently, and react to things differently. I hear things that others don't and I feel things that others don't sense. There are things that people say and do that would affect others socially or mentally that don't phase me, and things that don't affect others that greatly affect me.
Labels are only good when there are ways, processes and activities within such a labeling to affect a positive outcome for the individual and all who are affected. The unfortunate part of labeling is that as a society we try to get the labeled to fit into society, instead of working with the label and its positive offerings.
I believe, in the purest hollow of my heart, that every person existing has a positive energy and positive offering to give to the world. Some will find that positive energy and bestow it to the world unhindered, others will not see that positive energy and instead offer the world negative energy, and then there are some who see that positive energy and watch it be socially hindered and sapped away by the negative energy, intentionally or unintended by others.
My experience with Aspergers is not as much a label, inasmuchas it is a different perspective. It is that POV (point of view) that is not readily accepted by societal and cultural norms. The label is only there to help the "normal" people to define what they see as an obscurity in someone. What is obscure in the norm, is clear in someone with aspergers. What is obscure in someone with aspergers, is clear in the norm. Sure, it's not absolute, as no one or two can together see all answers to life (unless two or more are gathered in God's name, well that's a different story there, too).
Picture it as a circular peg trying to fit into a square hole. There are the corners in the square where that circle will not fill into, and areas where the circle go over the bounds of the square. In a perfect world, we would sense that we would lose so much by changing the circle, and reconfigure our societal and educational boundaries so that all the positive energy of the circle would be fully actualized.
We are not in a perfect world. Society as we know it, presses all into the meatgrinder of life, regardless of the cut of meat, and strives to make all into nice, uniform sausages. In effect society is willing to convert the circle into a square so it will fit nicely into the square hole.
A good butcher would be appalled to see a good piece of sirloin ground into a hotdog. Good educators and parents, also should be appalled to see their good child being mangled with meds and ineffective learning techniques aimed to restrict the student's creative and obscure point of view and mould him into the "perfect" student.
In the process of labeling, it is vital to help normal people to see and take positive advantage of the special POV and learning skills that those with Aspergers exhibit. It takes teachers with a teaching style that parallels the aspergers' learning style to truly gain the most out of this educational experience.
It takes a teacher that can change the educational square into the circle, and a student that can understand his/her circular nature and learn to literally work around the societal and cultural square that challenges them. It also takes a parent that can see both the square and the circle to coach their child to understand that both are vital, and necessary, and that both need to do their part to work together in harmony.
The challenge is made for us. It is in our hands to see and offer the positive energies in ourselves, to show the positive in others, and to provide guidance to those seeking the positive in themselves. I am positive of this.
I think...
Monday, March 20, 2006
Generation Y Less Violent?
Current generation is less violent than previous generation? Really?? Hmmmm...
I read a similar article to the one I am linking to in the March 12th Des Moines Register. Who are they trying to fool? There's still violence.
This is like Tom Brokaw calling the World War II generation the greatest. Although that generation had some good people, Mr. Brokaw's opinion is not to be construed as fact. There were some very terrible things that World War II generation faced. There are terrible things that the current youth are facing. However, I wouldn't call Gen Y the second greatest generation. Maybe Tom Brokaw would.
So, all the violent video games, acceptable drug use/abuse for new fangled ailments like ADHD, the pervaillance of drugs in smaller communities, rave parties, loud boom cars, the total lack of respect for anyone but themselves, and complete disregard to authority makes them less violent?
How about this: Police are more willing to tolerate this generation's reckless (and feckless) behavior because they don't want to deal with them and their attitudes. This generation has gotten away with more crime than my terrible Gen X ever could. We see this Gen Y, or Millennials, as they apparently prefer to be named, talking back to police officers and other citizens on our small towns streets consistently. We speak to the police officers who would prefer not to bother them when they are fighting at the quicky mart down the street because they don't want to deal with them. The police ignore the drug trading that is going on right at the courthouse square and across from the middle school, as if the brown bag that is passed is just filled with peanut butter sandwiches and an apple. This is a generation that feels entitled, and desires to be spoon-fed, lest they have to ever think on their own. And if you force them to think on their own, well, then you're not being fair.
And this: The more we make children nice, obedient robots, the less apt to deal with rebelious issues. Right? Well, instead of finding a cause for a child's inability to focus when we want them to pay attention, let's just drug them. That's what we've done to the Millenials. Approximately 8.8 million children each year are prescribed with stimulant medication to treat ADHD. It's become the miracle pill, or has it? How safe is it? Does it really help the child, or is it just to keep the sanity of the teacher, or parent, who can't deal with certain children? What underlying conditions is such a drug like Ritalin covering, especially for those children misdiagnosed in their early years? How have we in effect doomed these young children for the rest of their lives with the label ADD/ADHD and forcing them to take a pill that in the 70s and 80s would be classified as an illegal drug for kids (remember speed, uppers)? Is the current thought of less violent kids a direct result of the legal drugging up of our children? Is this all a part of the dumbing down of America?
Is this why children in the US are more inclined now more than ever before, to be overweight? Are our children so complacent with ADHD drugs that they don't have the energy or ability to play on their own without some guidance (by teachers or drugs)?
Can ADD/ADHD and other distracting behaviors be overcome without the use of drugs? Yes. And Yes. But that would take some effort on the part of teachers, school administrators and parents. They'd have to take an active interest in our children and truly help them. Work with the environment kids are in to avoid distracting objects, and becoming an example of behavior that is expected of them. That takes brain power and human relations power, that apparently schools don't want to be forced to use.
I read a similar article to the one I am linking to in the March 12th Des Moines Register. Who are they trying to fool? There's still violence.
This is like Tom Brokaw calling the World War II generation the greatest. Although that generation had some good people, Mr. Brokaw's opinion is not to be construed as fact. There were some very terrible things that World War II generation faced. There are terrible things that the current youth are facing. However, I wouldn't call Gen Y the second greatest generation. Maybe Tom Brokaw would.
So, all the violent video games, acceptable drug use/abuse for new fangled ailments like ADHD, the pervaillance of drugs in smaller communities, rave parties, loud boom cars, the total lack of respect for anyone but themselves, and complete disregard to authority makes them less violent?
How about this: Police are more willing to tolerate this generation's reckless (and feckless) behavior because they don't want to deal with them and their attitudes. This generation has gotten away with more crime than my terrible Gen X ever could. We see this Gen Y, or Millennials, as they apparently prefer to be named, talking back to police officers and other citizens on our small towns streets consistently. We speak to the police officers who would prefer not to bother them when they are fighting at the quicky mart down the street because they don't want to deal with them. The police ignore the drug trading that is going on right at the courthouse square and across from the middle school, as if the brown bag that is passed is just filled with peanut butter sandwiches and an apple. This is a generation that feels entitled, and desires to be spoon-fed, lest they have to ever think on their own. And if you force them to think on their own, well, then you're not being fair.
And this: The more we make children nice, obedient robots, the less apt to deal with rebelious issues. Right? Well, instead of finding a cause for a child's inability to focus when we want them to pay attention, let's just drug them. That's what we've done to the Millenials. Approximately 8.8 million children each year are prescribed with stimulant medication to treat ADHD. It's become the miracle pill, or has it? How safe is it? Does it really help the child, or is it just to keep the sanity of the teacher, or parent, who can't deal with certain children? What underlying conditions is such a drug like Ritalin covering, especially for those children misdiagnosed in their early years? How have we in effect doomed these young children for the rest of their lives with the label ADD/ADHD and forcing them to take a pill that in the 70s and 80s would be classified as an illegal drug for kids (remember speed, uppers)? Is the current thought of less violent kids a direct result of the legal drugging up of our children? Is this all a part of the dumbing down of America?
Is this why children in the US are more inclined now more than ever before, to be overweight? Are our children so complacent with ADHD drugs that they don't have the energy or ability to play on their own without some guidance (by teachers or drugs)?
Can ADD/ADHD and other distracting behaviors be overcome without the use of drugs? Yes. And Yes. But that would take some effort on the part of teachers, school administrators and parents. They'd have to take an active interest in our children and truly help them. Work with the environment kids are in to avoid distracting objects, and becoming an example of behavior that is expected of them. That takes brain power and human relations power, that apparently schools don't want to be forced to use.
Friday, February 10, 2006
Your Child Taking Drugs ... for ADHD?
If you have a child that has any indication of cardiovascular or heart issues, and he/she is on drugs for behavioral issues, you may want to speak with your doctor and get them off the drug as soon as possible. You may just want to speak with a doctor or psychologist anyway if your child is taking or has been suggested to take drugs to ward off ADD or ADHD.
Even though the drug companies say their ADHD drugs are safe, sometimes they may not have researched every possible complication or effect of their drug.
In this case, ADHD drugs like ritalin can have a negative effect on the cardiovascular system, leading to heart arrhythmia, strokes, heart attacks, and death. Wonderful, huh?
Now the rant: Teachers are selfish imps that should be stripped of their teaching licenses if they demand your child take drugs for behavioral issues, without a thorough psychological evaluation with a competent psychologist and medical doctor. There are many other physical and mental issues that could be the underlying issue for your child's behavior, and treating the symptoms with drugs instead of researching the underlying causes may do more damage than good.
The teacher needs to be able to establish rapport with her students, be able to control child who are unruly, and work with children who need additional guidance. There's a significant amount of work entailed in such teaching endeavors, so thank goodness they get summers off, they deserve it.
When I went to school, doing drugs were bad, and the government spent a significant amount of money to keep kids from doing drugs (remember Nancy Reagan's Just Say No campaign?). Now, an ever increasing amount of kids are forced to do drugs by schools. And these aren't just another type of Tylenol, these are major drugs! Say no to cocaine, but here's some Ritalin (which has very similar components and affects the same areas in the brain).
What's the message here?
(In child behavioral cases where drugs were the first resort...do I really need to preface this? Oh, yeah, the same people I am talking about here get terribly offended, too. Good grief.) Teachers are lazy, parents are ignorant, and society will suffer because we are drugging our kids. This is the new drug revolution and if it continues, we are doomed.
Is legislation needed to make sure teachers and parents are assessing our children that show signs of behavioral issues with the appropriate psychological and medical evaluations, and using non-drug treatments as the first resort, exhausting all non-drug measures, before falling back on what ought to be the last resort: drugs? Maybe. This is our future we are talking about.
Even though the drug companies say their ADHD drugs are safe, sometimes they may not have researched every possible complication or effect of their drug.
In this case, ADHD drugs like ritalin can have a negative effect on the cardiovascular system, leading to heart arrhythmia, strokes, heart attacks, and death. Wonderful, huh?
Now the rant: Teachers are selfish imps that should be stripped of their teaching licenses if they demand your child take drugs for behavioral issues, without a thorough psychological evaluation with a competent psychologist and medical doctor. There are many other physical and mental issues that could be the underlying issue for your child's behavior, and treating the symptoms with drugs instead of researching the underlying causes may do more damage than good.
The teacher needs to be able to establish rapport with her students, be able to control child who are unruly, and work with children who need additional guidance. There's a significant amount of work entailed in such teaching endeavors, so thank goodness they get summers off, they deserve it.
When I went to school, doing drugs were bad, and the government spent a significant amount of money to keep kids from doing drugs (remember Nancy Reagan's Just Say No campaign?). Now, an ever increasing amount of kids are forced to do drugs by schools. And these aren't just another type of Tylenol, these are major drugs! Say no to cocaine, but here's some Ritalin (which has very similar components and affects the same areas in the brain).
What's the message here?
(In child behavioral cases where drugs were the first resort...do I really need to preface this? Oh, yeah, the same people I am talking about here get terribly offended, too. Good grief.) Teachers are lazy, parents are ignorant, and society will suffer because we are drugging our kids. This is the new drug revolution and if it continues, we are doomed.
Is legislation needed to make sure teachers and parents are assessing our children that show signs of behavioral issues with the appropriate psychological and medical evaluations, and using non-drug treatments as the first resort, exhausting all non-drug measures, before falling back on what ought to be the last resort: drugs? Maybe. This is our future we are talking about.
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